Humour - Sligo Poets

Sligo Nationalist 10 April 1915
    More Blunders than One

NEW EDITION OF AN OLD FARCE BY THE KAISER.

When the Kaiser pounced on Belgium,
    In defiance of all laws,
And by robbery and plunder
    Sought victory for his cause:
When he ruined holy places,
    Like fierce, relentless Hun,
And pillaged ruined homesteads—
    That was Blunder Number One.

When Von Kluck dash’d on for Paris,
    In crazy, headlong rush,
And sought by weight of numbers
    The British force to crush;
When he thought he was the victor—
    As French his lines withdrew—
And stretched his arm’ out too far—
    That was Blunder Number two.

When the cock-sure German General Staff
    Saw the allies in retreat,
And thought a beaten army
    Lay lamely at their feet;
When the crown Prince told his Guardsmen
    The heroes they would be
When “swanking” it through Paris—
    That was Blunder Number Three.

When the Kaiser tried for Calais,
    And loudly made his boast
That ere another moon had come
    He’d reach the English coast
With a well-appointed army
    By big ships carried o’er,
And sack our towns and cities—
    That was Blunder Number Four.

When the War-Lord journeyed eastward
    Von Hindenburg to see
And urged him on to Warsaw,
    Whatever the cost might be;
When he promised iron crosses
    To all he’d find alive
When next he’d come to visit them—
    That was Blunder Number Five.

When he urged the Turks in Egypt
    To rise up in their might,
And by the Prophet’s flowing beard,
    The “Christian dog” to smite;
When he told the doting moselm
    He had England in a fix
And would crush her down for ever—
    That was Blunder Number Six.

When the Kaiser’s birthday came around,
    And the “Staff,” all in high glee,
Promised him some monster gifts
    From off the land and sea.
When they loudly sang their “song of hate,”
    —And pledged their vows to heaven,
His enemies were sure to fall—
    That was Blunder Number Seven.

When the Kaiser send his warships,
    Before darkness passed away,
To murder helpless wives and babes
    Who peaceful sleeping lay;
When they met with Admiral Beatty,
    And found they were too late.
[missing line]
    That was Blunder Number Eight.

When the Kaiser sent his soldiers
    Cardinal Mercier to arrest
Because he loved his stricken flock,
    Who sorely were oppressed;
When they burned the famous Pastoral
    And scoffed it o’er their wine,
They quickly came to realize—
    That was Blunder Number Nine.

When Britain’s “little army”
    Got nothing but a sneer
From the bloated big battalions
    Of the land of lager beer;
When William thought he’d shake them off
    Like ink-drops from his pen
That signed the broken treaties—
    That was Blunder Number Ten.

But when the war is over,
    And the cost is totalled up,
The Kaiser then will doubly drain
    The dregs of sorrow’s cup;
When he views his ruined country—
    Lost lives he can’t recall,
He’ll find his greatest blunder
    Was to start the war at all!
                                       J.G.

                 Sligo Independent 30 January 1915
                       “TEN LITTLE SAUSAGES.”

With sincere apologies to the Ten Little Nigger Boys.

(Sergeant Duncan Tovey, a popular sergeant of the London Scottish, who lately returned wounded from the front, wrote the following verses on Christmas Eve during a sleepless night in a clearing hospital on the way down to the base.)

10 little sausages marching all in line, one stopped to burn Louvain and then there were 9.
9 little sausages, sorry to relate, one was found spying and then there were 8.
8 little sausages dropping bombs from Heaven; one dropped himself instead and then there were 7.
7 little sausages, up to lots of tricks; one was caught in khaki and then there were 6.
6 little sausages an officer to drive; by mistake he got in front and then there were 5.
5 little sausages waging cultured war; one stopped to kill a child and then there were 4.
4 little sausages marching to Paree; one got there a prisoner and then there were 3.
3 little sausages, looking rather blue; one met a Russian Bear and then there were 2.
2 little sausages, father and son; the boy was “lagged” for burglary and then there was 1.
1 little Kaiser, left all alone; Won’t he have a bill pay for all that he has done.
                                             Duncan Tovey, in the Daily Mail.